Nope. Not everything. Everybody knows what Duct Tape is and how it works. The options are really endless; you can fix cars, appliances, walls, and I’ve even seen people create artwork with it. While it may be great for many day-to-day household fixes, one thing it can’t do is holster enormous, lactating, new mom boobs. Yes, you just read that right. Let me explain. Normally, I am a fairly thin person with a smaller build. When I was pregnant with my first child, however, “the girls” were unfathomably huge. It looked unnatural until my stomach grew into them. I had terrible back pain and struggled to find bras to fit. Between my gargantuan cantaloupes and my steadily growing stomach, it was a real sight. My friends would joke with me and say I was so “front heavy” that I was going to tip over. And it definitely felt that way at times.
Eventually, I had my son, and they got even bigger. Don’t ask me how that was possible, but it happened. I was genuinely afraid they might burst. I was beyond frustrated, hormonal, overwhelmed, and exhausted trying to figure this whole baby thing out. I was a complete mess. Thinking back, this probably seemed like a much bigger issue that it actually was at the time.
Here is where the duct tape comes in. I had finally had enough…and I snapped. I just wanted something to cover and support my massive boobs. In my not-so-clear sleep deprived mind, I decided to take two nursing pads and placed them…well, where they belong. Then, I took a dishtowel and wrapped it around my chest covering the nursing pads. The final step…duct tape around and around the dish towel to hold it all into place. Then on my red shirt went. I can only imagine what it looked like. I really can’t explain why this seemed the best option at the time, but I thought I was on to something. This was going to work.
Shortly after the completion of my makeshift MacGyver bra, one of my good friends came over to see the new baby. I told her the story of how frustrated I was, how tired I was, and so on…normal new mom chit chat. We visited for a while and she left. As walked back to the couch after letting her out, I passed by a mirror, and to my horror…I saw it. Two giant wet marks on each boob. Well shit. My milk had arrived. Clearly my duct tape bra was a massive failure. All I could do was cry.
Many months later I asked my friend why she didn’t tell me that my boobs were leaking as we were visiting. She said, Ummmm…you had just duct taped a towel to your boobs. I didn’t think it was a good time to mention they were leaking. Ha! I guess she was right. Now we laugh.
Moral of the story: Thank goodness for good, non-judgmental friends…AND Duct Tape absolutely doesn’t fix everything.