Nov 27, 2016

How Having A Toddler Is Like Having The WORST Boss Ever

I think it is safe to say that we have all had really terrible, asinine, and arrogant bosses at one time or another. You know, the total assholes that suck the life out of you pretty much every day. I know I have. I’ve had bosses that would bring me to tears multiple times during the day. And that got me thinking as I sat on my own couch in tears of frustration courtesy of my very own little three-year-old “boss”. She is an awful lot like the unpleasant bosses I have encountered throughout my career.


Here are the top reasons my toddler is like my worst boss ever…And there happen to be 10 of them:


10. The micro-managing. Seriously, there are rules for everything. Toddler rules: Watch out if you put the cereal in the wrong colored bowl for that day, cut the sandwich incorrectly, or give her the "spicy" binkie. Asshole boss rules: Don't you dare get them in the wrong seat on an airplane, order lunch from the wrong place for a meeting, or schedule a meeting over the three-hour workout window. The wrath will be felt. IDIOT. 

9. You cannot reason with them. You can try until you are blue in the face. It is their way or the highway. Sound familiar? 

8. Always wrong. You can never do anything right or be good enough. No matter what. Hmmmm….sounds a lot like my toddler; AND my old boss. 

7. Mind reading. Toddlers and bosses expect you to know what they are thinking at all times. You better learn to anticipate what they might want before they have to ask. Better yet? Just read their minds. Got it? 

6. Punching a clock. Bad bosses watch you constantly or make you account for every second of your day. Take a little too much time making your lunch in the break room or check your phone too often? You’re done. Toddlers…they can’t even go two seconds without wanting to know where you are and what you are doing. Don’t go to the bathroom for longer than a minute. Don’t go into the other room to take a phone call. They will hunt you down. They will find you. 

5. Demanding. Bosses and toddlers alike are very demanding people. They want everything now, now, now. Is it done yet? Hurry up.

4. Performance reviews. Toddlers, like asshole bosses, never give good performance reviews. No constructive criticism here. Do you even do anything right? Nope.

3. Approval. We are constantly seeking the approval of our employers. We want to make them happy and succeed in our jobs. Much like our little toddler dictators. We want their approval and love.

2. Belittlement. I’ve had bosses that made me feel like a complete failure. Most often, they do this in public or in front of other employees in a condescending way. My toddler, she does the same thing …usually in public. 

And...the #1 reason MY toddler is just like MY worst boss ever...

1.  Wiping ass. Boss babies, much like toddlers, need their hands held and their asses wiped. They like to think they are “big kids” and can do everything by themselves…but when that fails, mommy is there to clean up the shit show.

There is one BIG difference. I love my baby dearly. She can be as awful as she wants, and I will never “quit” this job. 

Bosses, do better. Do, better.

33 comments:

  1. Lol! My favorite is when a tantrum is being thrown and I have no idea why. I'm left guessing and guessing. UGHH! I totally relate to this :)

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  2. Tantrum by the kid or the boss? Ha!
    Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. Oh god I remember those days very well they are forever etched in my memory! Good job we do love them really! Loved the performance review Thank you for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT

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  4. Soooooo true. My youngest is 4 and she's pickier and more of a stickler than ever!

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  5. The truest thing that was ever true!

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  6. OH MY GOODNESS! hahah this is so funny. My toddler is def. micro managing :) everything has to go back EXACTLY where it belongs :)

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  7. There's a reason they are so damned cute, so we don't quit them. Loved reading this!

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  8. Hahah this is great! My little one is only 1 so I feel like I've got all of this to look forward to. If she is anything like any of the bosses I've had then I'm in trouble haha

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  9. Quite a few of these had me giggling. In April I will be delivering my 10th micro managing boss! Thanks for the giggles ~ today is a day that I certainly needed it! P.S. I found you via the facebook group 'blogger chicks'.

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    1. Thanks for dropping in! 10th "boss" Wow! Good luck to you!

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  10. OMG! Barrie, you nailed it! Mine is no longer a toddler but we still have some of these like mind reading and always being wrong. He's lucky he's cute.

    Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity

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  11. I am totally being micromanaged and mine is only 13 months old. And mud a bit if feedback would be so welcome. I'm expecting her first formed sentence to be, "You're fired!" #Stayclassymama

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  12. I did have this boss you describe. DID being the operative word. Super post! Spot on! #EatSleepBlogRT

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  13. SHaring the love from over at #FabFridayPost This post rocks! <3

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  14. I used to be a PA and I remember thinking in the early baby days that being a mum was like being a PA to the worst boss I've ever had, but I think you're right - the toddlers are more demanding! My toddler boss is definitely a demanding type - his lunch must be served on the right plate, I have to mind read what he wants to watch on tv, and god forbid I sneak out of the room to try and snaffle some chocolate / make a phone call! He makes me appreciate all the awesome bosses I've had over the years! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. Unfortunately I have had actual bosses worse than my toddler boss! Thanks for stopping by!

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  15. Love it. I've had bosses/babies who behave exactly the same way.

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  16. Yep totally agree! "Cannot reason with them" was a big one today for us, honestly I just gave up in the end! #stayclassymama

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  17. Yes I have one of these toddlers right now! She is very demanding and worse than any boss I've had. It's relentless with the things you have to do, to get to the result you need. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x

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    1. They are pretty bad bosses! But we love them anyway.

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  18. This is so spot on! I LOVE it!!!! And so agree
    http://www.the-mommyhood-chronicles.com

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