SLEEP SCAM

I like to sleep. Let me rephrase that. I LOVE to sleep. The whole night, if possible. From the moment your first child is born, the amount of sleep you get steadily declines and really never gets replenished. Me, I've been exhausted since 2008. With each child, less and less sleep becomes the norm. As parents, we muddle through the sleep deprivation the best we can in hopes that someday, just maybe, we will sleep once again. 

My kids, on the other hand, enjoy pretty much anything BUT sleeping. It seems that I am constantly arguing and struggling just to get them to go upstairs, let alone actually get into bed. They are amazing at coming up with different excuses, scams, stories, and reasons, and some of them can be quite creative and entertaining. Even if we have sung 7 songs, read 3 books, had snacks, and tickled backs, they still act like they are buzzed on Mountain Dew. Once they are asleep, it never fails that one of the three will wake up and climb into our bed for the night. Bad dreams, thirsty, sick, cold, you know how it goes.

I often wonder what goes through my kids’ heads as they are coming up with reasons to get out of bed. Why not just got to sleep? Those little jokers definitely have minds of their own and there is really no predicting what they will come up with. I imagine their thoughts to be something like this:

1. I’m hungry. I wonder what's in the fridge? Do we have parmesan cheese?
2. I just peed in my pull up. I was too lazy to go to the bathroom, so I just peed. Now I need a new one…but I can’t get it myself. No, not daddy…mommy needs to do it. 
3. I think I am going to cry. Now, I can’t stop hysterically crying for absolutely no reason. I need mommy. I just can’t stop. 
4. I need help getting my 100 stuffed animals into the correct order and position in my bed. No, the blue puppy goes on the OTHER side and an inch to the left. 
5. I want to sleep with you. Let me just climb over you, kick you in the face, and then lay horizontally across the bed with my legs on your head. OK?
6. This feels like as good a time as any to ask for a Band-Aid for the non-existent boo boo on my left finger. HURRY! 
7. I need socks on. Even if it is 90 degrees in mid-July. No, not those socks. I hate those, they are too fuzzy. I need the medium fuzzy ones. 
8. Do I smell popcorn? 
9. My closet is open. Can you close it? Oh, and I have dirty laundry on the floor. Can you put it in my hamper? I can’t sleep when it is messy. 
10. Look what I can do! (Coming up with a new silly face)
11. My sister is looking at me. I need to report it to you right now. 
12. I really need lotion. Immediately. 
13. I’m thirsty. I need the pink sippy cup with the lime green lid, not the pink sippy cup with the blue lid. Idiot.
14. One more huggie (for the 100th time). Please?
15. I wanted to check to see where the cat was. I’m was worried. Where is she? Oh, she’s on the couch like every other night. Great. 
16. I’m naked. I just wanted to run down and show you I removed my diaper AGAIN. I might even pee on the floor.

What crazy excuses have your kids come up with to get out of bed?

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