Dec 4, 2016

How Mommy Stole Christmas

Tis the season. I spent most my day today Christmas shopping for my kids. By the looks of the Target I visited, the rest of the world had the exact same idea. People were everywhere, in fact, there were literally no shopping carts available when I entered the store and I had to grab one from someone who was leaving. This was not a good sign. Nothing gets me in the Christmas spirit quite like pushing a shopping cart through a jam-packed Target store filled with oblivious shoppers. There I was roaming the crowded aisles filling up my cart with unnecessary toys and gadgets and crossing each of them off my long list one by one. Kitty Surprise…Check. Football… Check. Legos…check.  Shopkins…check.
Amid all the chaos, I started reminiscing about Christmases past. All the childhood memories of shaking my presents under the tree for weeks and impatiently waiting for the big day to arrive. The more recent memories of staying up late on Christmas Eve sorting and getting all the gifts wrapped perfectly for my own children. Thinking about my children waking up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning and my husband and I watching their excitement as they open the packages that Santa left under the tree. And then there is the glorious memory of the year mommy threw the Christmas tree to the ground in pure frustration. Yep. You read that right. Mom lost her shit and threw that damn oversized tree straight to the ground. Fully decorated I might add.
Before you judge, let me tell you the whole story. It was one of the years that we decided to get a real Christmas tree. The whole family went up to the local tree lot and we picked out the biggest, fullest Christmas tree they had. No joke. This thing was massive. We have vaulted ceilings, so a 10-ft. tree should fit just fine. So, we strapped that bad boy to the top of the car and headed home for the decorating festivities.
We spent that entire evening setting up the tree and getting it decorated just so. Well…as perfect as you can get with a two-year-old. There it was…. the beast stood 10 tall feet into the air. It was fully decorated with lights, garlands, and ornaments. It was really beautiful. And then…it fell over. Crashed to the ground with a huge thud, spilling all the water from the tree stand onto the carpet and ornaments crashed and shattered everywhere. Great. We cleaned it up and back up it went. Phew. Crisis averted…Nope.
Over the next couple days, the damn tree fell over two or three more times.  Each time, we woke up to find spilled water all over the carpet and broken ornaments everywhere. Honestly, I’m surprised that I didn’t lose my shit earlier.  But like idiots, we just kept putting it back up.
One night, we were sitting in the living room relaxing and watching TV. Then it happened again…the damn thing started tipping. My husband leaped up and ran over to the tree and caught it before the whole thing crashed to the ground. Nice save. He asked me to hold it up while he did something to the tree stand so we could stand it back up. There I was holding the heavy, fully decorated 10-foot tree. The needles were starting to scratch up my arms, my back was starting to hurt, and the sap was all over my hands. I don’t know what exactly my husband was doing, but it was taking WAY too long. I had enough.  So, I yelled out in frustration and threw that massive bitch to the ground. Ornaments shattered, water spilled, husbands yelled, and children cried. I was done. The Grinch threw the Christmas tree.
After it all happened, and I realized what I had done, I remember turning around and seeing my two-year-old son just standing there crying and scared. Poor kid. He didn’t understand what had happened. He just watched mommy the Grinch smash his beautiful Christmas tree. Sadly, that will not be the last time he will see mommy lose her shit. I think he is adjusting well.
Lesson learned. After four attempts, the Bismark geniuses determined that the tree stand we had was just too small for the massive tree. We ended up getting a new tree stand and thankfully, it never happened again.

Well, there you have it. That folks, is how the Grinch stole Christmas. Merry fricking Christmas.

28 comments:

  1. LOL This cracked me up (sorry?!)! I can only imagine the expression on your kid's face...so sad... (and funny?!)
    #AnythingGoes

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    1. It was quite the day! Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. lol. There have been a few years where I've actually taken twine and tied my tree to the curtain bars so the frigging thing would stay up. Looked absolutely ridiculous! #anythinggoes

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  3. Sorry it was so frustrating for you but it was pretty funny to read. I think I would have lost it after time #2; but that's just me.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! It is pretty funny to read and remembering the story.

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  4. Ha I probably would have done the same - putting our 6 foot tree up was bad enough, I don't want to have to decorate a tree for another 12 months so four times would have really pushed me to the limit. #twinklytuesday

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  5. Hehehehe what a disaster! Too small of a tree stand after all that hassle?! This is why I have an artificial tree for the past ten years! LOL The thought of Target packed to maximum capacity makes me feel sick. I hope this year's Christmas tree stays standing. #ChristmasIsCalling

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  6. Great post! Sorry you the Grinch had to fricking steal Christmas though. At least you got a new tree stand out of the deal? … And perhaps a very well behaved child? ("Did you see what I did to that Christmas tree? Any more antics and that will happen to you TOO!")

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    1. Hahahaha! I wish that worked for behavior! Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. I've not ever been brave enough to try a real Christmas tree...my poor deprived kids :)

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    1. Nah...they just fall over. Fake is way easier! Thanks for stopping by!

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  8. Oh no, bless you, all's well that ends well!

    #BestandWorst

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    1. It all turned out ok. Makes a funny story now!

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  9. Hi, sorry that the Grinch got the trees. You just can't beat a real tree though, Chloe https://pinkiebag.com/
    #BestandWorst

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    1. I know...love the real trees. We did a fake one this year. Just not the same.
      Thank for dropping by!

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  10. I laughed cause I can relate, and then I felt guilty like your child was looking at me saying with his eyes...seriously...you're laughing. Me and the kid bought Grinch pajama pants last year and his face is on our butts. Need to borrow? =) GREAT post. #BloggerClubUk

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    1. Nah! All you can do is laugh! Yes, please. I need Grinch pajamas! Thanks for reading!

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  11. hysterical! Shared it to fb, pinned it and tweeted.

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  12. Is it wrong that I laughed at this? I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time though!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
    Debbie

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    1. Nah! I laugh now too. Thanks for reading!

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  13. Oh no lol, not such a good time with the tree then haa! Thanks for linking up #bestandworst

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  14. Back again from #ChristmasisCalling! Thanks for linking up :)
    Debbie

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  15. Hahaha! What a brilliant story. How did you even end up with a too small stand? Tbh, I think you did great lasting that long. After the second time I probably would have ordered it outside. Thanks so much for sharing with the #dreamteam x

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