MAN-ual: A Translation to Female Logic

As a service to all the men of the world that seem to be totally lost and confused when it comes to communicating with women, I feel it is my duty to give you a little help. Selfishly, I am really tired of having to explain myself over and over again and never being understood. I mean, you would think that by now men would have figured out the hidden messages we are sending them. Is it really that hard?

The truth is, women are complicated sometimes. I’ll admit it. Quite frankly, half the time I don’t  think we even really understand ourselves. So, men everywhere…here is my valuable gift to you. This is a list of common phrases you probably need help with interpreting because they don’t mean what you think they mean.

You’re welcome.

Fine:  Actually, this means the opposite of fine. It’s not fine. The argument needs to end. We know we are right and you need to shut your mouth. Discussion over.

I don’t care: Yes, yes I do care. I care a lot. Let’s talk about it more.

Nothing: Really means something. Figure it out. It probably means that everything is wrong and everything is not ok. You should be scared.

Go ahead, do what you want: ALERT! This is not permission. It is a dare. Just see what happens. You shouldn’t do it unless you want to experience the wrath.

That’s ok: It’s really not ok. We are actually thinking about how you will be punished for your mistake.

Wow: This means that I’m amazed at your stupidity. Don’t be confused. This is NOT a compliment.

Whatever: Our way of saying F you.

Forget it: Don’t forget it. Let’s keep talking about it. Probably for a long time.

Don’t worry about it: No, you should worry. If I’ve asked you 100 times to do something and you don’t, I’ll just do it myself. I won’t be happy. So you should worry because you’ll pay for this later.

It’s up to you: Really, it’s me deciding here…you just think you are. The decision has already been made. Isn’t the correct decision obvious?

Hopefully, with the help of this MAN-ual, men everywhere will be able to figure this shit out. Study this. Learn this. Really, you should do it. Stop annoying your significant other by not really understanding her.

Good luck to you!

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