Jan 12, 2017

A Letter From Your Threenager

Dearest mom,

I am writing this letter because I’d like to fill you in on a few things. A few very important things that you definitely need to know. You are always wondering why I get angry or lose it over the littlest things. You are always asking me the questions like “what’s wrong?” or “what do you need?”  or "why are you crying?" In your mind I am an angry little dictator…always demanding something. Maybe I kind of am. The truth is, mom, you just don’t really understand me. I feel that my demands are very clear, but you somehow seem to mess it up every single time. 

You just don’t get shit right. Simple as that. How hard is it to know when I want the pink cup or that I HATE those pants...or wearing pants at all? Sometimes, you even give me snacks that I hate. Never mind that I just asked for it. Come on, mom. Figure. This. Out. 

Let me give you a few examples of your ineptitude.
  • You never understand my words. Literally. Are you stupid? 
  • I don’t want your help. With anything. Ever. I can do it myself…until I do want your help. Then, drop what you are doing and help me immediately. Hurry! Do you want me to lose it again?
  • You are always rushing me. Just stop. If it takes me until hell freezes over to put on one slip-on shoe, then so be it. It needs to be just right…so stop rushing.
  • Pants are the devil. Stop making me wear them. I prefer to be pants-less at all times.
  • Sometimes I want a hug and sometimes I don’t. It’s up to you to know when.
  • Dinner? I don’t want that shit. I’d rather manhandle all the food on your plate or just eat the stashed candy I keep under my bed.
  • Stop trying to pick out my clothes. Seasons don’t matter. If I want to wear a tank top backwards and shorts when it is 10 below zero, then so be it. I’m a fashionista. You’ll see.
  • Please just don’t say no. To anything. I am three now. I can make my own decisions. If I want to do art while we are eating dinner, just let me. If I want to take a three-hour bath, let me do that too. If I want to play in the sandbox naked, that’s my choice. No more of this “no” shit. Kapeesh? 
  • If I get frustrated about anything, it is going to get thrown directly at you. Probably at your head. Sharpen up your reflexes.
  • Figure out my moods…there are really only two: Raging mad or adorably lovey.
So, mom, next time you see me flop around on the floor, screaming hysterically, and completely losing my shit, you need to know it is because of you. Instead of trying to get me to stop, just wait until I am done, applaud my mad tantruming skills, and then give me a hug…and maybe some candy. Unless less I don’t want you to. Figure it out. 

Love,

Your Threenager
Life Love and Dirty Dishes

7 comments:

  1. I seriously do not remember it being this bad with the older girls- the twins are seriously bringing me to my knees. Mercy.

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    1. Yea. It's bad. The hulk is the sassiest by far.

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  2. Lol! I sadly relate to the threenager. (Especially about pants & acknowledging seasons for clothing.) Also on the 2 moods part. Omg, I'm still a threenager 30+ years later! I should talk to my therapist about this.

    This letter made me laugh. Also brought me back to my own kids when they were threenagers. May the force be with you, sister.

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  3. HAHAHA! Oh how happy I am to be the mom of a fournager now! It's not much better but it is better! I don't remember the actual teenager I own being this way at 3 - maybe I handled it better because I was still young. The little one is going to be the death of me tho!
    #FridayFrolics

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  4. My youngest turns three in March. I'm bulk ordering wine now! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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  5. I can so relate to this. We are just emerging from the threenager side, although she still insists on wearing a swimming costume in the middle of winter, when we are going to go and do the food shop. I just walk behind her in the supermarket pretending she isn't mine ;-) #FridayFrolics

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  6. Ohhh, such a great stage. Please hide sharp things from them... and yourself LMAO!
    No but really, I feel for you mama. If you can hide, I would encourage it.
    Thanks for sharing! #FridayFrolics

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