Oct 2, 2016

Old Age and Fat Pants..."F" You

Get ready old age and fat pants, here I come! I’m now 37 years old…going on dead. Aging sucks. Getting fat sucks. Not only are the physical ailments mounting every day, but the weight gain, acne, wrinkles, hot flashes, grey hair, dry skin, and stray chin hairs are becoming far too common. As I near the end of my thirties, it seems that my body has stopped growing at both ends, but continues to grow in the middle. Go away flab, you are not welcome here.

It all changes so quickly. One day you’re a young, vibrant, 20-something in your prime. Then in the blink of an eye. BAM…Old age slaps you in the face. At first I thought, It’s not so bad, I’m just tired, but since it’s been about 8 years now, I guess this is just how I look. I am pretty sure it is just going to keep getting worse from here on out. Joy. Here are some other reasons I know I am getting old.

  • Is it me, or is LATE getting earlier now?
  • I’ve heard teenagers describe me as middle-aged.
  • I’ve developed jowls.
  • I can pee and sneeze at the same time. That’s talent.
  • The definition of “old” keeps getting older and older. 40 is the new 30…or so I’ve heard.
  • I frequently hear really good music at the grocery store.
  • I honestly forget how old I am. That’s a problem.
  • My doctors are younger than me now.
  • I grunt when I try to get up off the floor.
  • My kids ask me why my legs jiggle when I walk.
  • Trips to Walgreen’s for antacid and hair dye are far too common.

I feel that shoes with good arch support, depends, and maybe even a sweatshirt with embroidered bunnies and flowers are not so far away anymore. So, elastic-wasted fat pants, welcome home. At least I’ll be comfortable. Life goes by so quickly. Somehow I made it this far, so I’ll keep on truckin'…wrinkles, grey hair, fat pants and all.  

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  1. Please say 40 is the new 30. I'm not yet there but I am hanging onto that quote, otherwise I will take to my bed with a bottle of vodka! :- )Thanks for linking up with #FridayFrolics

    1. I approaching 40 very quickly! Definitely the new 30! Thanks for reading.

  2. I see your 37 and raise you a "38!" *gulps* Yup. I can nod along to each of these. Sneezing and peeing simultaneously really is a talent! I like to consider myself an expert in that field! 😂 #fridayfrolics x

    1. Haha! Thanks for reading. Glad I'm not alone in my peeing talent!

  3. Hell yes to all of these! I can also cough and pee at the same time. I've recently had bronchitis so can really really vouch for this one :/ Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    1. Ohhhhh coughing and peeing. That is talent! Thanks for reading. Hope you feel better!

  4. THIS IS HILARIOUS! Sneezepee is what I call it! Had me laughing out loud, and smiling too, jowls and all! Ty for that! #FridayFrolics

  5. Haha - yes, the music at the grocery store thing is so true!

    Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.