Pokemon Go...AWAY!

Most parents have toys their children play with that drives them nuts. I would bet that most people hate the loud toys…maybe a drum set or a kid karaoke machine, or perhaps a really annoying movie that is watched over and over. Not me. I have developed a deep hatred for Pokémon. In fact, I’m confused AF about it. As of late, it has become my oldest child’s obsession. Every minute of every day he is going on and on about those creepy little cards. Each one has a name I can’t pronounce and a unique set of skills and characteristics. My son somehow knows them all by heart.

This strange little card game has been popular since I was a kid. I remember the boys that would collect them, trade them, and play some game that I didn’t understand, nor did I want to. The cards are like gold. I’ve seen kids who steal them from each other or bully the younger kids into giving them their cards. It’s just plain ridiculous. They are cards…CARDS. Made of paper. Plus they have creepy creatures on them. If I had a collection of these devil cards in my room, I would be afraid they would attack me in the night.

I can’t even think about how much money has been spent on this game. He saves all his money to buy decks and booster packs that he will eventually trade away to his friends on the bus. Sometimes he even cries after he opens the packs because he didn’t get what he was hoping for. The drama. Now, he has even gotten both his sisters involved in this. They also have no idea what he is talking about, but the appeal of collecting creepy cards lures them in. Nothing leads to an all-out screaming match at our house than stolen Pokémon cards.

To me, this Pokémon jargon is another language…one that I simply don’t know if I can ever learn. If you want to feel like a box of rocks, just try talking to your kid about Pokémon characters and the rules of the game. Maybe I am just an idiot, but I can’t even decipher what he is saying. He’ll say “I got a Charizard EX upgrade and a Jigglypuff with destruction points.” What does that even mean? Is that good? He’ll come home from school grinning from ear to ear and say he got an Alakazam and all he had to do what trade a Diglett and a Blastoise for it. Super. What a deal…I think. Oh, and let’s not forget that these creepy things can evolve. From what I hear, that is a good thing. How does a card evolve?

I hate to say it, as I never want to be uninterested in what my children are talking to me about, but the minute he starts talking about this game, my eyes start to glaze over. I say a lot of “cool” or “Wow, that’s amazing”. It’s pretty much like torture having to listen to it. He even enjoys watching the dorks on You Tube who film themselves opening packs of Pokémon cards and explaining the features of each one. First, why would you ever record yourself doing that? Do you really not have anything better to do with your time? Second, why would you ever want to watch someone else opening packs of cards? How is that fun? I can’t even…I just THANK GOD I don’t have to actually play the game with him. That is the hubsters job (plus he secretly enjoys these dorky games).

So… bring on the drum set. The bright side…he hasn’t started Pokemon Go. I’m sure that will be next. Unfortunately, Pikachu lives on.