Oct 5, 2016

I'm Still An Asshole

You would think I would have learned my lesson. Nope. The only lesson that I learned is that I must be a REALLY annoying mom…and a really big Asshole. Here are 20 more reasons that I am STILL an asshole according to my three lovely children.

1. I wipe their noses when they have a green stream of snot running down them. I guess they would rather eat it.

2. I explain their homework to them all wrong...That's not the way their teacher taught them.

3. Dinner time wasn’t convenient for the gaming. Sorry I made you dinner when you were right in the middle of the most epic Pokémon battle of all time.

4. I insist they use a napkin instead of their shirt when eating dinner. I know...I'm asking a lot.

5. I buy all the wrong snacks. I’m an idiot.

6. Look at them wrong.

7. I ordered pizza for dinner and I didn’t get the kind cut in squares. They hate triangle pizza. Asshole.

8. I got frustrated when the three-year-old played in the litter box like it was a sandbox and then sprinkled cat litter all over the basement. Should I have been elated?

9. I won’t let them eat chips before dinner...Even when they promise they will still eat their dinner. I'm not that stupid!

10. I wake them up. (Okay fine…I’ll give them this one. I hate getting up also).

11. I took them out for ice cream but the milkshake sucked because I took them to the WORST ice cream place ever. First – Milkshakes never suck. Second – say thank you.

12. I told the three-year-old no to wearing a size 7 Easter dress as her pajamas.

13. I won’t let them throw rocks at cars passing by. Meanest mom ever.

14. I said no to excessively dumping pepper on her eggs.

15. I didn’t show her the poop in her diaper after I changed it. She wanted to check out her load. Why? I have no idea.

16. I wouldn’t let them melt butter and add to the “Movie Theater Butter” popcorn we had for a snack.

17. Her shoelaces are too short to tie. I’m such an asshole.

18. I said she couldn’t keep a “cute” ant in a Tupperware bowl when I was trying to get everyone out the door.

19. The On Demand movie doesn’t start fast enough. It’s my fault there are too many commercials.

20. I stop at red lights. All I hear from the backseat is “Gooooooooooo”.

There you have it.  Proof that I am still an asshole.

Check out my original post "Why I'm an Asshole...According to my Kids" 

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  1. I loved this post more than words can say. When I worked in the preschool room I was always convinced I was the biggest asshole that ever walked the planet. You know, because I made them evacuate during a real fire. No bigs, keep building with the Legos?!

    Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink, I'm having a blast a guest host this week.

    1. Ha! Once an asshole always an asshole! Thanks so much for reading. :)

  2. Not sure if my last comment so i just wanted to be sure you saw that i loved this list! So very true, we are complete and utter jerks....all the time....forever. haha

    1. It's true. This is actually my second list on the topic. I'm a HUGE asshole! 😉 Thanks for reading!

  3. Thanks for an ominous glimpse into the future, Barrie! I'm steeling myself now....

    1. Ha! Sorry to burst the bubble...Thanks for reading!

  4. Oh my god this is so funny! I am not looking forward to this stage! haha x #momsterlink

    1. I think I will forever be an asshole. Ha!