1. I wipe their noses when they have a green stream of snot running down them. I guess they would rather eat it.
2. I explain their homework to them all wrong...That's not the way their teacher taught them.
3. Dinner time wasn’t convenient for the gaming. Sorry I made you dinner when you were right in the middle of the most epic Pokémon battle of all time.
4. I insist they use a napkin instead of their shirt when eating dinner. I know...I'm asking a lot.
5. I buy all the wrong snacks. I’m an idiot.
6. Look at them wrong.
7. I ordered pizza for dinner and I didn’t get the kind cut in squares. They hate triangle pizza. Asshole.
8. I got frustrated when the three-year-old played in the litter box like it was a sandbox and then sprinkled cat litter all over the basement. Should I have been elated?
9. I won’t let them eat chips before dinner...Even when they promise they will still eat their dinner. I'm not that stupid!
10. I wake them up. (Okay fine…I’ll give them this one. I hate getting up also).
11. I took them out for ice cream but the milkshake sucked because I took them to the WORST ice cream place ever. First – Milkshakes never suck. Second – say thank you.
12. I told the three-year-old no to wearing a size 7 Easter dress as her pajamas.
13. I won’t let them throw rocks at cars passing by. Meanest mom ever.
14. I said no to excessively dumping pepper on her eggs.
15. I didn’t show her the poop in her diaper after I changed it. She wanted to check out her load. Why? I have no idea.
16. I wouldn’t let them melt butter and add to the “Movie Theater Butter” popcorn we had for a snack.
17. Her shoelaces are too short to tie. I’m such an asshole.
18. I said she couldn’t keep a “cute” ant in a Tupperware bowl when I was trying to get everyone out the door.
19. The On Demand movie doesn’t start fast enough. It’s my fault there are too many commercials.
20. I stop at red lights. All I hear from the backseat is “Gooooooooooo”.
There you have it. Proof that I am still an asshole.
Check out my original post "Why I'm an Asshole...According to my Kids"